apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
