Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
jump out the window naked night went bad
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
