well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
