I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
