cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Randomize
