I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
