she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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