So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
