census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
