Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
