I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize