Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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