Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize