you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
