I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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