he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Your penis caused this!
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
