She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
