My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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