Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
