i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
