Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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