I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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