doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
