We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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