I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Randomize
