But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
