I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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