he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
