I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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