Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
