she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
