HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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