remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Randomize
