I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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