I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
