i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
