And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize