I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
a search helicopter?!
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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