just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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