after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
