It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
