Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
