Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
