just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
