when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
