i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
