Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize