Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize