dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
