Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
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