2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
