Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
