shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize