You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
