theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
