Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
false alarm. still invincible.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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