My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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