I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
