Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
