So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
