I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize