Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize